Less-Lethal Weapon, More Bang For Your Buck

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How a weapon that shoots, stuns, blinds and sprays its intended targets can be described as nonlethal is beyond me, but I'm sure this guy will be pleased to know all about it.

Last month, American inventor Joel Braun recently got his patent approved by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office for a little piece of sunshine he calls the "Non-Lethal Weapon Mount With Modular Weapon Components."

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In fact, to give this device the publicity it so rightly deserves, I propose hiring ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi to do an infomercial for Braun's system with the Don't Taze Me bro as his sidekick foil.

Can't you just hear Shlomi's weaselly little New Jersey accent as he persuades you that you can't live without this weapon.

'Ey it's Vince here for the new, the all-in-one, less-lethal weapon. How less lethal is it? Lemme put it this way, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover aren't even in it. It sprays, it maces, it'll make ya shoes untie their laces…Gotta a perp that ain't no fun, no worries, son, squeeze the trigger of the stun gun! And if the pepper spray don't make 'em cry, shine this big friggin' light in their eye! If those bad guys don't give a listen when you tell 'em they need to 'cool it', how 'bout a nice, subtle reminder compliments of these fine rubber bullets…

I jest, but this weapon is no joke. Imagine slipping your hand, wrist and forearm into a device reminiscent of Nintendo's old Power Glove only less glove-y and more rap-trap-y.

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Once it's nice and snug around your forearm, you now have multiple advantages to choose from as you take down the bad guys, even if they're just a bunch of non-violent college kids protesting tuition hikes.

The real question is, how are you going to do it? With so many choices, what non-lethal weapon are you going to use? The spray nozzle offers a dependable, reliable mist of pepper spray or mace, giving you the precision control you need as you aim for the eyes.

Or how about firing a few of those rubber bullets from the munitions barrel? That'll teach 'em to enact their freedom to assemble. No, wait, I got it. The knock-out, one-two punch of the blinding light dazzler followed up by a few thousand volts of electricty compliments of the taser. That's gotta be the way to go. After being blinded by the light dazzler, trust me, those protesting activists will never see those taser prongs a comin'.

via Wired

Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

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