Space Fashions Vol. 1: Earth's Stupidest-Looking Space Suits

Movies and video games make space suits look stylish. In the 2007 film "Sunshine," Cillian Murphy's little gold number rivaled anything you'd find on the P-Funk Mothership, and the suits in 1968's "Barbarella" and 2008 horror shooter "Dead Space" deliver oodles of psychedelic sex appeal and horror.

When taking a real life stroll through the airlock, however, fashion generally takes a back seat to, oh, not dying a horrible death in the inky black void of space. Still, there's nothing stopping us from laughing at some of the space suit designs that have come down the pipe:

Shuttle LES suit: This space suit entered use shortly after the Challenger disaster, as NASA decided space shuttle crew members needed pressurized suits during launch and re-entry. The Shuttle Launch/Entry Suit (LES) was part of a fast-tracked safety initiative during a tough spell for U.S. space exploration, so we can forgive its jarringly orange hue and baggy form. We may even forgive them for designing its parachute harness and flotation equipment so that it that makes any wearer appear to be rather well-endowed in the chest area. The LES served astronauts up until 1995, when it was replaced by the decidedly sleeker-looking Advanced Crew Escape Suit (ACES).

Dueling Moon Suits: If you're ever suffered through an old black-and-white science-fiction serial, there's a good chance you've seen your share of "aliens" and "space men" dressed up like walking water heaters. Yes, we laugh and riff to our hearts’ content, but in the 1960s very similar designs were popping up in Life magazine and NO ONE WAS LAUGHING. All right, surely someone was laughing. Both the Republic Moon Suit and Grumman Moon Suit were essentially designed as pressurized capsules attached to a pair of space pants. The occupant had the choice of sticking his or her arms through flexible manipulator arms (presumably to wrestle Flash Gordon) or to draw them to tend to other business inside the capsule (like brushing their teeth?). You can see snapshots here and here at Mark Wade's excellent Astronautix Web site. I do not need to tell you they were never actually used.

SaSuit: Should middle-aged men wear an alarmingly tight ensemble of Spandex body slips, rubber-breathing bladders, netted leggings and elastic straps? That's a lifestyle choice I leave to each of you, but I will venture to say it’s an outfit best left to such lean, ageless space men as David Bowie -- and maybe the aforementioned Cillian Murphy. This was all part of the getup for NASA's 1970s Space Activity Suit, also known as the SaSuit or the SAS. It might not look all that dashing on the moustached gentleman in this NASA contractor report, but the design was truly innovative. Existing pressurized space suits were bulky, hindered mobility and the slightest breach could endanger the wearer's life. The SaSuit, however, is a mechanical counter pressure suit (MCP). This design covers every inch of skin (except the head) in a tight second skin, which applies the same pressure that the air inside a pressurized space suit would. A tear in the suit would only expose the underlying skin, however, and not put the wearer's life in danger. The prototypes performed well, but several technical problems (such as swelling in the crotch region) led NASA to discontinue the project.

So if you happen to book a flight on Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic, do stick to the prescribed space wear. Unless you're Cillian Murphy, in which case I imagine you can pull off just about any space look they throw at you.

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Image: Even science fiction has delivered its share of space suit fashion duds, such as this little number from 1936's "Things to Come." (John Kobal Foundation /Hulton Archive/Getty Images)