Alien Abductions: Idiocy of the Worst Kind

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Today the much-hyped film, “The Fourth Kind,” debuts in

theaters with a predictable poster of a pair of other-worldly eyes staring out.

Sci-fi film buffs will remember Steven Spielberg’s sappy

1977 film “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” where flying saucers outfitted

with disco lights buzz lone cars and farmhouses, and in a messianic ending aliens

carry a few chosen people skyward in a “mothership” that looks more like a

chandelier.

“The Fourth Kind” goes one step further and supposedly

presents “real footage” clips from alleged alien abduction cases – the

so-called “fourth kind” of encounter with extraterrestrials. 

This film is structured as a “mockumenary,”

and is being compared to the 1999 film “ The Blair Witch Project.” The Blair

Witch has had many imitators including the hyper-hyped Paranormal Activity” that

debuted in theaters a few weeks ago as the deadliest boring horror film ever

made.

The “Blair Witch” and “The Fourth Kind” deservedly should be

joined at the hip. Ghosts and aliens go together like the early film comedians Laurel

and Hardy. Both types of entities scare us: they sneak around at night, they stare at us with those creepy eyes, they often float though

the air, their intent is mysterious, and they communicate telepathically.

In fact space aliens described in so-called abduction cases

behave much like devils and other imaginary creatures that go back to

antiquity. Based on this long history we must have a collective subconscious

predilection to imagine such entities. This

is especially true of the so-called Shadow Men phenomenon – black apparitions

that are equally described at visiting ghosts or creepy aliens.

People were once burned as the stake for saying that they

were cavorting with strange creatures (except on blind dates). Now we make them

pop culture celebrities like the legendary Barney and Betty Hill UFO

abduction case from the 1960s. 

My favorite for its blue-collar chutzpa is the

Travis Walton alien abduction as described in the book and film “Fire in the

Sky.” If I could accept this tall-tale as true it would explain the Fermi

Paradox – Why any self-respecting alien wouldn’t be caught dead within 100

light-years of our backwater planet.

Zillions of ghost stories tell us nothing about the

prospects for life after death, and likewise UFO tall tales tell us absolutely

nothing about life on other worlds. Zip, zilch, zero.

The “Fourth Kind” shows terrified patients who under

hypnotic regression recount icky extraterrestrial encounters. The aliens could

be arrested for molestation if you could handcuff one. The alarmed state of the

patients in the trailer reportedly matches real-life reactions of people who

believe they have been abducted by aliens.

The movie revolves around a series of real-life

disappearances that took place in Nome, Alaska. Why aliens would go to Alaska to

snatch humans is beyond me. With all due respect to the inhabitants of our 49th

state, this is not a special place to start looking for the best and brightest

of our species.

As Alaskan newspapers have pointed out, the FBI ruled that the

disproportionate number of disappearances was likely due to excessive alcohol

consumption and the harsh winters. Now if I apply Occam’s Razor – that one

should not make more assumptions than the minimum needed to explain a mystery –

then the drunk Alaskans argument wins.

Even more fantastic is the absurd idea that aliens are smart

enough to accomplish interstellar travel but have an uncomfortably carnal curiosity

about Earth biology. Why should they even care?  Do they want to raise us as pets on their home planet and see

if we can be housebroken?